Manusia Bercacat Sini Sana

Gue hobi banget menyia-nyiakan kesempatan. Banyak yang ga sampe gue lirik dua kali gue buang gitu aja, ada beberapa yang awalnya gue sambut tapi hanya sedikit banget yang sampai gue tuntasin. Itu salah satu kelemahan gue memang. Kurang pintar menggunakan kesempatan dan kurang bisa memberikan maksimalitas dalam berbagai hal yang gue tekuni. Kadang gue merasa semua yang gue punya sekarang ini udah cukup, toh hidup gue seneng. Tapi bohong kalo bilang gue ga pernah mau lebih. Gue masih punya banyak mimpi dan rencana hidup. Terlalu banyak malah yang gue pengen gapai. Tapi gue ga berhak ngedapetin itu semua karena selama ini gue sarat akan usaha berarti. Kayanya dalam hidup gue, jarang banget gue menguras tenaga mau pun mengeluarkan peluh. Padahal kalau orang-orang di luar sana yang ga seberuntung gue secara lokasi dan ekonomi, mereka pasti sudah bisa jauh lebih produktif kalau duduk di posisi gue. Dan fakta ini membuat gue malu. Dan gue berjanji demi kebaikan diri gue sendiri, gue akan berubah. Karena sekarang mimpi-mimpi yang gue sembunyiin selama ini semakin lama semakin menjadi-jadi dan jelas bentuknya di otak gue. Dan memikirkannya saja hati gue bisa bedegup kencang terlalu bersemangat. Dan rasanya gue udah siap lari sekenceng-kencengnya menuju suatu lokasi di dalam pikiran gue di mana gue bisa bilang ke diri gue sendiri bahwa "ya gue bangga akan apa yang udah gue lakuin. dan ya, kalo gue mati besok gue bakalan bahagia".

Maaf dan makasih buat keluarga gue, terutama Momsy, yang selalu mau ngertiin keegoisan dan kelinglungan gue selama ini dalam membuat keputusan yang berhubungan dengan masa depan. Tapi sekarang gue udah cukup yakin kok ke arah mana gue pengen berkembang. Yep, i think i know where i wanna go from here. Lots of praying from you guys plus me doing my bit of giving a damn and an actual effort, poof(!) something might actually happen this time around. Semoga tahun 2011 akan menjadi titik transisi dimana gue bakalan bisa berubah menjadi manusia yang lebih dewasa dan berambisi. Amin :)

Aku Si Nomer Empat

I haven't been writing much lately. At all actually. I've been kind of busy adapting in my new uni and so I would like to post something I wrote some time ago. Something out of my precious green notebook. Here it is :) Dedicated to my lovely Mom.

Ibu


Mataku terasa berat tuk dibuka
tapi perih jika kupejam
Kakiku ngilu dan kaku
tapi tak ada ke mana tuk kuhampiri
Tanganku bergetar
tegang seakan sedang disidang


Ku kangen Ibu
belai rambutku
tatap mataku
tanyakan kabarku


Maaf
hanya itu yang kupunya untukmu
Untuk diterima atau diabaikan
ku tak memaksa
dan ku tak bisa menuntut


Kau tak bisa lebih sempurna
Ada surga di telapak kakimu
Bila saatnya tiba
kan kucium kakimu mesra
ku berjanji


Dengan cinta
(Sampaikan salamku pada suamimu juga)
Dari aku si Nomer Empat.

Short Encounters With Sweet Strangers

Have you ever had a nice long chat with a sweet stranger? I love those unexpected encounters that turn out to be a lovely conversation with a stranger. Free from prejudices as well as judgments. Be it an exchange of stories or personal experiences, your view on a topic, or simply something more about each other. An old musician at the bus stop, a photographer at a bench in the city, and a retired tailor man on the train, just to name a few. I gotta admit many of these encounters happen at a public transport related location haha. And I also find many taxi drivers to be very chatty people. Some ask a lot of questions, some love talking about their family esp their offsprings, one even gave me advice on marriage hahaha! But what I can conclude from my observation is that many of them are very funny and/or wise. Anyway, i like these moments of pure honest exchange of thoughts where you don't have any pressure to please with what comes out of your mouth because they don't judge and most probably won't be seeing you again. So enjoy those 20minutes or so in the cab! I do :)

Architecture Dropout, and Proud.

We've all heard it before.
"Oh how I wish I could have a bit more time"
"I should have done something yesterday"
"I should have gotten up earlier"

I've grown sick of saying em over and over. I'm sick of feeling regrets. Over and over.
So I guess it's time to stop wasting time :p

Started taking Spanish class few weeks back, and I've also been taking a lot more pictures lately. And getting back at cooking again(MasterChef effect). So that's a good start, appreciating the lil things. From lil things, big things grow, no? :)

So what if I'm an Architecture dropout? At least I'm quitting with my head held high. And no, not so much with regret, cus I met some great people, and learnt more about myself, that Architecture is not for me. It wasn't so much the workload, it was the work, that made me realize that if I can't stand doing it now, let alone finish one semester of it, how am I supposed to do it for the next 5 years and finish my degree, no no scratch that, how am I supposed to do it for the rest of my career life? I've always enjoyed red bull drinking, midnite cooking, loud music and pulling an all-niter, but this time it wasn't enjoyable, unlike when I'm painting, drawing or sewing, and seems to just lose track of time, each time. And so I made up my mind :)

Oh, and I miss my mum already haha, she flew back home just this morning(with dad), can't believe how supportive she is of every stupid ideas that are planted in my head.

Well now I'm back to being home alone. No school, no uni, no job, and no money, I think this might just be the perfect timing for some new painting ideas, ha! :D

Wide Opened Eyes

I can't sleep. It's 2:42 AM Perth time, and i just can't seem to rest my brain even though my body is desperately begging for some. So here I am...

I went to the beach today(well technically, yesterday) since I don't have uni on Fridays, and that was GOOD. It's been too long since I last payed any beach a visit. The last time would be somewhere in January while I was in Bali. And since summer just ended, me and my two friends decided to beach it out before it's too late. Don't you just love having nice conversations when floating in the ocean like rice puff cereal on milk? I DOOO. But don't get me wrong, I love winter. I mean food taste better and sleeping under a thick blanket just feels like heaven. And I think the sound and smell of rain are very mind and body peacefulling :)

Oh and in case you don't already know, on Monday Perth just got stormed. Like big time. It was a crazy experience and a sad day for many. After the violent hail, there were countless dented cars without windows, houses with holed roofs and no electricity, flooded buildings and floating dead birds. My university was wrecked too, so bad that it was on telly and classes were cancelled the next day. Not to mention the underground library on campus turned into a swimming pool! Oh those poor books.... From my observation it is fair to say that Mother Nature was obviously having a severe mood swing cus it's been summer all morning and lunch time, and the golf-ball-sized hails was ended with a beautiful sunset and a perfect half-circled rainbow. So it's not "the rainbow after the rain" anymore, now it's "the rainbow after the hailstorm". It's actually much more powerful too as a saying, don't you reckon?

Well anyway, I don't really have anything substantial left to say. Oh and my dad is leaving tomorrow after checking in for 2 weeks basically just keeping me company(a more polite expression for checking up on me :p), and doing all the cooking and cleaning, as well as being my private driver :-) And he put up a swingy fabric chair on the verandah(which is looking out to a lake) for me too, which is so so soy nice!

And about my previous post, I complained that the people in my uni are such snobs and geeks but actually I'm getting along fine and many of them are nice. Maybe we've finally found some common grounds. Or maybe I've turned into a snobbish geek. Well either way, I'm enjoying classes a lot more nowadays even though model making and technical drawing have kept me up most nights. And by the way I have Wednesdays as a mid-week holiday now after dropping that friking Art History unit impulsively :p which btw IS a core unit, but you know, I'll just deal with that some other time :) And now with Wednesdays and Fridays off, I might actually catch up on uniwork and some sleep, be more organize and look for a part-time job! And pick up painting and sewing again. And apply for that Spanish class I've always wanted to take. Or maybe learn how to play the guitar. Ahhh so many things I want to do, so excited!!!!

Ok now I really gotta sleep, or play dead, which I personally think sounds funner :)

Sweet dreams peeps.

my 2010 so far

Holiday is long over. Family catch ups were great and Bali with my best mates was super funnnnn. So here I am, 2 weeks in into my 1st year Architecture degree, being a normal uni student. And still I'm not sure if it is for me. Neither am I sure of what the thing is that I really want to do if not Architecture. Fashion? Let's just say I don't feel like it is something I want to do seriously as a career. Fine Arts? Nope, I think that would give my dad a heart attack.

Being a uni student is fine I guess, but I don't find it as fun as high school. The university that I am attending is what most people name the best in the state. I applied just for fun because I didn't think I would get in as well as because my friends were applying into this university. And so I got in and currently attending the so called great university only to find that most of the people here are either nerds or snobs. Great. And I wonder why I don't feel like I fit in.

Another unpleasant surprise I got was that I have to do an Art History unit as one of the three units for Semester 1 Architecture. I remember in the end of Year 12  thinking I'm so glad I don't have to deal with anymore of this shit. But no, no I have to do it for ARCHITECTURE! And after 3 lectures, I still don't see the connection between Art History and Architecture, neither do I understand what the lecturers are babbling about, Aboriginal painting? Ancient Egypt? What, what Architecture unit? HUH.

And no, that is not it. Just 2 days ago, Friday night to be exact, I had a major car CRASH. I was driving with no legitimate Australian license. Using my sister's car. The car is not insured. And I am currently still under 18 and living alone. Frankly, if the police was involved I surely am dead by now. "Luckily" the driver of the other car was a Malaysian student and she does not have an Australian license either and so we agreed not to report the accident and resolve it ourselves. Complicated much? YES. Who's fault was it? Not mine. Apparently the other girl does not know the street rules over here and so she went on when she wasn't supposed to, to then crashed into my car which was just going on straight at a green light. Say whaaaa?!

So now I just have to find a way to explain to my parents why my sister's car is pretty much in a coma so to say. Plus some nagging so that the girl would pay for the damage done to my sister's car. However at the end, I still feel like I am so lucky to have not a scratch on me and my 2 friends who were in the car as well as the girl from the other car. Thank you God for protecting me even after the much complaining I've done lately. Thank you. And I hope this marks a new beginning for the better rest of 2010 to come! Amiiiiin

Sunday Morning

Kemarin hari Minggu. Pagi hari waktu aku bangun, ternyata sudah siang, hahaha tepatnya pukul sebelasan lah. Loh ngga tepat dong artinya? Cerewet :P Aku lalu teriak dari ranjang memanggil asisten rumah kesayanganku, "MBAAAAAAAAAK....." begitu kira-kira dengan suara serak-serak cempreng baru bangun tidur. Lalu aku tanya ada siapa di rumah. Dia bilang semua orang udah pergi, papa pergi lari sama teman-temannya yang pastinya oom-oom semua, mama pergi sama adikku ke acara les tambahan, lalu kakakku yang satu belum pulang dari trip raftingnya ke Sukabumi. Hanya ada kakakku yang ke dua yang masih tidur seperti babi, eh maaf, kerbau. (JFYI aku punya tiga kakak yang jenisnya perempuan semua, dua di Bandung, satu udah menetap di Perth. Sedangkan adikku laki-laki.) Berarti di rumah ngga ada siapa siapa kecuali aku dan si Mbak. Yah yang belum bangun ngga usah diitung. Aku dengan lahap menyantap sarapan kesianganku yang hari ini adalah misuah kuah pakai sayur dan ayam lengkap dengan bawang goreng. Nyammm.

Yah lalu aku lanjutkan hari ini yang masih pagi bagiku dengan minta dijipet oleh si Mbak :) Sambil dipijet, kita ngobrol ngalor ngidul, dari masalah banjir, masalah pengharaman rebonding dan pengcetan rambut di Indonesia yang lagi semarak, presiden SBY yang sempet di demo kemarin kemarin dan juga mahalnya harga tiket pesawat dan keinginan si Mbak untuk nyobain rasanya terbang naek kapal pulang ke rumahnya di Solo :)

Aku sayang banget deh sama si Mbak. Kapan-kapan mau ah naek pesawat bareng ke Solo biar aku tau lebih banyak lagi tentang si Mbak dan asal usulnya. Tapi tunggu ya sampai aku udah bisa cari uang dan nabung yang cukup. Makasih yah Mbak udah ngurusin aku, kakak-kakakku, adikku, bantuin orang tua aku dan banyak hal lainnya 29 tahun terakir ini semenjak orang tua aku menikah dulu, semenjak Mbak baru berumur 12 tahun. Mbak emang hebaaaaat, jempolan deh pokoknya!

When Dilemma Strikes, Have a Kit Kat

Right now I am standing still. And stood before me, is a junction with countless different pathways which are all going to lead me to their own different journeys and versions of the future. I reaaaally want to check them out one by one, but that's not quite possible :(. Once I step into a path, there's no turning back because the route is gona be too complicated to track back, in simpler words, every step I take is going to create more and more pathways for me to choose. Yes, I'm talking about a normal life problem that everyone must have gone through before, making choices. Which often involves making sacrifices, hehehe

Well, I'm at a point in my life where I have to make a big decision. Yes, that's right, I have just graduated high school :), more precisely at the beginning of December 2009. It's been more than a month since then now and I still don't know what I really wanna do this year(2010). The two main things that I am considering are doing Fashion course at TAFE or Architecture at either UWA/Curtin, Perth. All which I have applied for, and luckily have earned enough final score to get into <3

Have you ever filled in one of those cute little memory books in primary school, where you write in your friends' and vice versa? One of the common questions that I usually answered in those books is, "What do you want to be when you grow up?". And I remember putting in "Architect" in all those books :), although honestly I didn't put a lot of thought when I wrote it down. But don't you agree that it'll be hell cool if I really do become an architect like what I dreamt of when I was a lil kid?

On the other hand, when I turned 15, I fell in love with Fashion. I don't really follow trends but I enjoy choosing what to wear everyday as I stand in front of the mirror. It excites me. It evolves, like it's alive! Back when I was choosing subjects for Year 11, I chose Textile as one of the six allowed, alongside Art, English as an Additional Language, Basic Maths, Japanese as a Second Language and Indonesian Advance. Within the first two weeks, I was ready to drop the subject, not only because the teacher is the scariest, but all the other 8 students(excluding Cindy, my partner in crime) were all already experienced with using the sewing machines and have broad knowledge about the Fashion world(out of the 130 something students in the whole year, only 10 chose to do Textile, because in Year 11 people are only doing subjects that they are considering or interested in doing for Year 12 and also in the future finished high school). When I told the teacher that I wanted to drop the subject, she didn't give her signature, instead she told me to try harder and work extra hour to catch up. And I'm really glad that I did as she told me :) I even wore my self-made dress(school assignment) to the school graduation dinner and it was the best feeling everrrr, especially when parents who didn't know I made it gave compliments!

Everytime I see or talk about or smell(?) things to do with Architectue, I really wana do it. But I feel the same when the topic changes to Fashion. Arrrrrrgh this is killing me :O

I know what my Dad prefers me to do. Yep, Architecture of course. But I don't want to do it just because he wants me to. And I know he knows I never listen anyway ;). So if I am choosing Architecture, trust me it is only because of myself. And no, I'm not being selfish, but I only want to have what is mine wholly, and I'm talking about life here, what I want to do with the rest my life.

So please pray for me, I'm just hoping for a sign to appear, a clue, something.... just absolutely anything at all that can help me see clearer, choose braver :)

Cheers people!

01/01/10

It's official. Today is the first day of 2010! It's not that I have no friends/family to celebrate new years with but it's 1:55 AM and I am sitting down in front of Gate 5 waiting for my Jetstar plane to take me back home to Indonesia for the holidays. And I just found out that they have free wireless internet in this airport(Perth)! I'm excited. Tired. And so ready to breath in that sticky hot air once I get out of Soekarno-Hatta in a few hours time. happy holidays everybody. Happy 2010!